Just some headcanon venting because I am so full of feels

I’ve kind of went over most of my thoughts when I made that rice krispies post during Thanksgiving but I just. It’s getting worse. And I apologize for my ramblings, and for the fact that my posts aren’t as eloquent as some others.

It’s just— you can see that Logan isn’t himself. You don’t get that cocky, way-too-cool-than-he-actually-is, swag driven white boy that characterizes Logan. You don’t. He’s not there. He’s gone. He’s there when he needs to be there. When he knows there’s a camera he puts on this facade like nothing’s wrong. But you can tell. You can see. He can’t even put in the effort of keeping that facade up. Once the camera’s click, he falls to reality that he’s alone. And you can see it.

The band Big Time Rush leaves the Sutton Place Hotel to grab coffee in Vancouver.

How his eyes droop. How his lips turn upward only in the slightest amount when it needs to be. It’s not genuine. 

It’s as if whatever he had to feel comfortable about himself enough that he projected himself in that overt fashion and whatever it is that gave him that energy and joy just went away.

And in a sense it did, though not completely. Carlos is still there. He still has his best friend. But what they had before, that strong, insurmountable and domineering force that bonded them together as a duo— that connection that made them seem more like one person instead of two— that addicting quality that made their friendship and dynamic so complex and leveled— it’s dissipating. And it’s not as strong and untouchable as it was.

Carlos isn’t as devoted or focused on Logan as he was before. From observation it’s so clear that Carlos is one to express what he feels, and express how he feels. He’s touchy, he’s sentimental, he’s expressive. He clings, he touches, he holds— he makes sure that whoever it is he’s addressing knows how important they are. 

And Logan has, over time, learned to depend on that. He feeds on it. Carlos is his drug, his caffeine. Carlos keeps him the way he is. He’s smug because Carlos is awfully awkward. He’s witty because Carlos encourages his banter and humor. He’s open and expressive— he dougies, adds in his clever punchlines, makes silly faces, does stupid things in general because Carlos is there with him. He has a support, a foundation. He has someone he knows will be there for him and, in his own sense, be there just for him. 

So now enter a girlfriend and all of a sudden that sense of stability Logan has is just thrown out the window.

Carlos isn’t there every moment he possibly can for Logan. He’s not there spiking his hair the exact same way as Logan does every morning. He’s not there to color coordinate or match clothes with Logan. He’s not there running behind Logan to try and steal his pudding cup during a scene break. He’s not there to be his best friend.

And that sense of loneliness and that sense of being replaced kills Logan, and you can see it. Heck, you can feel it just by looking at him. 

Every candid we’ve seen of them walking as a group, Logan is always up front. It’s like he’s purposely distancing himself— he’s making himself avoid any more of that crushing realization that he’s not the object of Carlos’ attention anymore. He’s trying to make that gut wrenching feeling of being replaced and ignored subside, but it doesn’t work. 

When Carlos and Sam are off on their own, Logan is with Kendall and Dustin. Sure, he knows Kendall, he’s best friends with Kendall. And it’s likely he has a solid friendship established with Dustin too. But despite that he has absolutely no match against the connection that Kendall and Dustin have. He’s there, but he can’t be there fully. He’s never going to connect with Kendall the way Dustin can, and vice versa. He’s not going to understand their quirks, their mannerisms, their actions and their way of exchanging. Because it’s something Kendall and Dustin have worked together and mastered together long before. It’s the same thing with him and Carlos, only he doesn’t have Carlos there anymore.

And being around that, knowing that he’s not really going to be a part of that, it’s even more depressing. Watching Kendall and Dustin interact the way he and Carlos interacted— it’s a big slap on the face. Because he’s there, with nobody, while Carlos is out with Sam doing God knows what.

Back then everything Logan did, Carlos reacted to. He overreacted to. He emoted to. Everything Logan did was immortalized in some fashion, and Logan thrived off that. He didn’t feel stupid because Carlos didn’t let him feel stupid. 

So when Carlos begins to ignore Logan when he asks a question, or gives a simple touch for attention, that’s more than alarming. That’s practically an omen that whatever they had before, it’s not the same.

And now it’s gotten to the point where Logan doesn’t even know where he belongs. He’s so lonesome that he’s resorted to being with Glickman. He’s the only person he knows to stick with. He can’t go with Kendall— Kendall has Dustin. He can’t go with James— everyone knew that James did things on his own. Ranel has even found a friend in Dustin. And of course Carlos is out of the question.

You can feel it. Even when he’s filming something meant to be for hilarity, you can see the fact that he’s not into it. He doesn’t sing the way he sings and dances Friday with Carlos. Or even exude that joy of mocking Carlos when he started singing to that one disabled fan during a meet and greet. There’s not that playful quality to his voice and look on his face that he has during acoustic songs, when he would exchange glances with Carlos, or tap him in playful banter, or whisper to him something completely irrelevant, just for the sake of talking.

He’s empty.

The band Big Time Rush leaves the Sutton Place Hotel to grab coffee in Vancouver.

And it’s oh so depressing.

69 notes , 2 years ago
  1. hendersondeep reblogged this from hotdamncarlospena
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  4. logiehenderswag reblogged this from hotdamncarlospena and added:
    Oh, geez. I am actually legit going to start crying in a moment. This is just all truthful and I’ve realized a lot of...
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  8. loganhendersin said: okay so my night is in complete shambles now
  9. sum1cooler reblogged this from hotdamncarlospena and added:
    I love your insight Bridget. Logan needs Carlos as much as cargan needs to be real lol XD.
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  13. buttlos replied:
HW